So Basically

Life is what you make it.
Freshly 21.
Cleveland State University.
Clueless.

3/16/12

I’m never strong enough to end a relationship, especially when I can still remember how great it was in the beginning…

Returned boyfriends movie so he wouldn’t get a late fee. Still gets yelled at because maybe someone wanted to watch them. Can’t ever do anything right. Story of My Life

I have an incredible boyfriend, but its no longer a 50/50 relationship and I’m going to bring it to an end even if it hurts like hell. I deserve better. All guys are the same.

I’ve come to terms with the fact I’m never going to be happy in my relationship again. We have our good moments but that’s all they are. He constantly makes snide and underlying remarks. He tries to analyze everything, like he knows why you’re doing things before you even say it. I have to talk about how I’m feeling all of the god damn time. If he feels strongly toward something every other opinion will never be valid enough. He could care less if he saw me every week. He tells people he thinks things through thoroughly so he says and does what he means. Bullshit. There is always something you’re doing wrong by him. He doesn’t care about the little stuff you want to tell him. He doesn’t care to share his day with you but you must share yours. I feel empty. I feel hopeless. I feel beaten and broke down.

A Simple Request

I miss having a boyfriend that actually wanted to hangout with me, the kind of ache when we’re apart feeling. That “no you hang up first,” “I miss you, even though you just left my house” relationship 3 I used to have that….and now it’s completely demolished. Too much damage has been done, but when do you give up? When is the last straw when your heart is on the line?
I just lost one of the funnest and most paying jobs I’ve ever had, I’m miserable at home, I feel worthless and lost. I just need company, not conversation, not emotional support, not cuddling, not cry sessions. I just need to be in a room with someone I care about deeply and they care about me equally as much…they want me there. I’m not a pester or bother, they don’t feel like I don’t belong.
Where’s the rewind for 7years? Or the start over. Over 21years the biggest lesson I’ve learn is that people leave and I’m disposal. “try not to miss me when I’m gone” that tattoo means everything to me, me in a nut shell.